Sunday, Mar 22nd 2026
[3:37pm]
I was just re-reading yesterday's entry and considering deleting it, or at least editing out large sections that were pretty personal. But I thought fuck it, I don't care. First of all, even though this journal is publically accessible, the only person who knows about it is my girlfriend, whom I trust with my personal difficulties. If my closest friends somehow saw this, it'd probably be a breath of fresh air for me, because I'm not one to openly share things like that. It provides a way for them to (potentially) discover these things about me, which I feel much more comfortable with for some reason.
Also, I am kind of a public-facing figure with my whole music/creative persona of "Ricky Jamaraz", and my real name isn't classified information, as everything I make is publically credited to "Thomas A. Ison". (some fans of mine sometimes call me Tom, which I don't like, because only my actual friends are allowed to call me my real name lol)
So yeah, I worry a bit if a super dedicated fan of mine found this and then shared it with all the other superfans. But, would that be a bad thing? I'm already open about my past struggles with mental health online (and it's quite evident in some of my past songs), so it shouldn't matter. I think what gets me is the fact that nowadays I portray myself as "recovered" from that, when really there are some things you don't fully recover from. Or at least it takes a hell of a lot longer than 2 or so years. So I think I'm worried that my fans would find this and maybe romanticise my vulnerability and struggles, which is just cringe. Or maybe just them knowing about the negative aspects of my personal life is just scary and makes me feel inadequate.
Regardless, I'm here writing this and (dare I say "bravely") putting this out into the abyss for anyone to read, because in 200 years, you, me and everyone we know will be dead so it's not that deep.
MAIN TOPIC
OKAY, enough of all that stuff, let's lift the mood a bit and I'll tell you about this morning. Suuunnnnday morning...
Today is my girlfriend Mimi's 18th birthday. Last week, she took me on a tour of the local parks around her area, and she told me that on her birthday she was going to come to Cannon Hill Park and watch the sunrise that morning. (Wish I did that on the morning of my 18th! That morning I woke up hungover on my sofa with my best mate on an air mattress next to me... still a lovely view ;) )
Soon as she told me that, I entertained the possibility of me actually waking up early on her birthday and driving down to Birmingham to surprise her as she watched the sunrise. You know when you think of a crazy idea in your head, and then you think about it more and more until it doesn't sound that crazy... that's what happened! So I actually woke up at 4am today and headed down with a bag with a few presents I got her.
I got there about half 5, and the sun was scheduled to rise at 6. I walked around the park, it was deserted, hoping to see Mimi somewhere, but she was nowhere to be seen. I reluctantly (cos I didn't wanna ruin the surprise) called her, but she didn't pick up, so I assumed she had missed her alarm and slept in, which would've been fair enough. I thought if she did sleep in a bit, she would eventually wake up and still go out and walk to cannon hill park, so I decided to walk TO her house from CHP, hoping I might bump into her on the way. I didn't.
I walked for about 25-30 mins and didn't see her at all, and when I got to Kings Heath Park, right near where she lives, I came up with a new plan. I decided I was just going to leave my bag with her presents outside her door, so when she did wake up, she'd go out and see them and be surprised. I wasn't planning on hanging around long anyway, so I wouldn't mind just dropping my things off there and heading back. I sat in KHP for about an hour and a half writing her a letter explaining my situation, explaining her presents, and the usual lovey dovey shit too. Then as I walked toward her house, I was about 10 doors away, and my phone started ringing, and she was calling me! By this point it was almost 8am.
I picked up, and she was worried she had woken me up (SHE HAD NO IDEA I'D BEEN UP NEARLY 4 HOURS!!!), and I asked her where she was and she said Cannon Hill Park... I asked her if I could call her back in 15 minutes, hung up, and never before had I spun around and started running as quick as I did in that moment! I was a man on a mission.
I ran for about 20 minutes through the streets, retracing my steps across south Birmingham towards CHP. I was smiling the whole time and at one point I could feel myself welling up with happy tears that I was going to get to see her at last. I finally got to CHP, but after having a quick scan, I still couldn't see her... I called her again, and she told me she was NOW at this place called Holder's Lane, which is about halfway between her house and CHP... so I had actually ran straight past where she was! Then some geese by the lake in CHP started chasing me and she heard their squawks(?) over the phone, and she asked where I was, to which I replied "I'm in Cannon Hill Park being chased by some geese", and she sounded SO shocked :-)
We finally met up in the middle, and she looked like she was gonna cry when she saw me, she was so surprised which I was really happy about. She told me she'd been up since 5.30, so we must've crossed paths multiple times. We sat on a bench and I gave her her gifts and let her read the letter I was going to leave by her door.
After that I drove us back to her place and I stayed with her there for a bit, but left fairly soon, as I didn't want to intrude on her own birthday plans with her family.
This morning was genuinely one of the most memorable mornings ever, and I swear to fucking god if I ever end up making a film or writing a screenplay or something, I'm lifting this entire experience and putting it straight onto the screen. I'm really happy everything worked out and I was able to make Mimi's birthday morning something she'll remember for a long time (hopefully!)
Here are some pictures from the whole ordeal:
^Some lovely skycrapers visible from Cannon Hill Park at around 5:30am.
^Cheeky kitty cat.
^Mimi resting her head on my lap, cos she was tired. You think YOU were tired! :-)